Let me start my adventure that was Max’s Wine Dive by saying the girl sitting near us was giving me the stink eye. Not something I tend to enjoy while trying to shove the world’s largest sammich in my face (ommmnommnommfriedeggsandwich). Unfortunately, my picture doesn’t do my sammich justice. Think of my plate with the circumference of a manhole cover.
Now, I love loud blaring music while I’m eating as much as the next person, but Bon Jovi? It was a little more than I could handle. I could hardly hear what my boyfriend who was sitting across from me was saying, but honestly, we’ve been dating for over 5 years so we’ve obviously past the point I need to pretend to be interested.
As if there really was ever any question, I ate it all. The waitress came by to collect my empty plate that I wiped clean with my face and said, “Oh wow! I’m impressed!” My boyfriend looked at her like she was enemy number one and then proceeded to make jokes about me not fitting in the car for the ride home. And now you see why I don’t care if I ever hear what he has to say.
So this one time I was in a pho restaurant named Pho (not terribly clever…) and the girl next to us licked her bowl clean. Literally. I have never been as grossed out, I wanted to turn to her and offer to buy her bowlopho if she would eat it on the other side of the room.
They also try and make you buy a case of wine while you are sitting captive at the table. During the five minute spiel, I just always want to stop them and inform them if I had a case of wine, I would be drinking it alone at home with President Kitty.
But regardless of being subjected to Bon Jovi, David Bowie and what I think was a Glee cover, and not to mention the half hour it took for someone to realize we were sitting there with the intention of eating their food, I hearted my eggsammich. As I’m writing this my boyfriend added “the fried chicken is ok. It’s no Popeye’s. You could probably compare it to Church’s. If you like that kind of shit.”
Also someone needs to inform them it’s college football season, not Jamie Foxx Show marathon Saturdays. Who watches that.