Oklahoma. I had once referred to as the ‘Land of Shitty Casinos and even Shittier Beer’. But there is so much more…
Upon driving into Oklahoma, I saw the person driving in their pickup truck in front of me throw what I believe to be a bottle of pee in a Dasani water bottle out of the car. I knew it was going to be a long day.
I drove past Winstar Casino, which embodies London, Rome and Paris in its architecture, as you enter Oklahoma. I haven’t been to London but now there is no need. This was exactly how I had envisioned it.
I’ve never really been a big fan of Oklahoma but I think it all stems from a weekend long fraternity party somewhere in OK I went to every year while in college. Apparently a year is just long enough for you to forget the terrible time you had the year before and agree to go again. There’s less alcohol in the beer and when you can only afford Keystone you might as well save the money and drink water. You’ll get just as drunk.
Although I did run across a couple things of interest while traversing up and down 35. The most interesting thing I found to be is the billboards. Is meth really that big of a problem that there is a need for a meth/suicide billboard every 2 miles? I did see a news story the other day about how a group blew up in their car while driving around making meth in the backseat. I must be in the wrong profession.
They also have some good ones about prescription drug fraud and a really intense pro-life campaign. I don’t need that shit while I’m driving.
An exciting piece of information is they sell fried pies literally everywhere. Growing up, my brother used to eat those fried apple pies from Mrs Bairds and drink cokes like he was employed to do it. This must have been before people worried about things like ‘caloric intake’ and ‘childhood obesity.’ He finally stopped around the age of 30 when his wife informed him that by consuming the two a day that was his general fried pie consumption, he was going to die before they were able to ever have children.
As a rule, when traveling by car there is no stopping once we start. So while someone throwing a bottle of pees out of their car is incredibly gross, conceptually I get it. We stop for no reason. So I brought my own peanut butter sammie.
I actually took this pic so you could see my sweet ride in the background. Have you ever noticed people do that on Facebook? Like, oh let me take a picture of the temperature gauge in my car to show you it’s currently 102 degrees but let me just happen to get my mercedes icon in the background. It’s 102 degrees today in Texas and you drive a mercedes. Fantastic. I eat peanut butter sammies in my car and I drive a four year old Volvo.
So as I drive back home, listening to ABBA, I’m realizing there might be more to Oklahoma than I had originally led myself to believe. And am contemplating who to contact about getting a meth billboard outside my new digs. Waylan and Little Joe are about on my last nerve.
Vodka & Pancakes 